Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
