TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
