why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
