Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
