You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
