if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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