So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
