I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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