i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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