She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
