We won't sleep together?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
