they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
