If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
