new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
