Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
