I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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