I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
