guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
