you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
