Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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