He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
