Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
