gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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