Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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