Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
