Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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