? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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