Screwed.edu
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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