My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Vodka?
Forever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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