you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
