YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
