He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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