You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do herpes really smell.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
