Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
