I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
