There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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