"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
