DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
