If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
