So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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