We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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