But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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