There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
