I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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