Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
