Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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