There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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