Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
