TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
