I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
