My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
